48 Things To Expect During Super Bowl XLVIII
LOS ANGELES — Once again, Super Bowl Week has come and gone. Was it good for you? Oh, and we’re all caps-ing this bad boy because it’s an event like no other! Except, well, everything is an event now. And it’s award season! (Elaine would be proud of my exclamation point usage) So maybe people are evented out. Are you? Hell no! It’s the Super Bowl! And it’s in New York! Except it’s in New Jersey! And have you heard it might be cold? Don’t worry, Anne Hathaway won’t be around to drive us into Serious Town with some wicked intense acceptance speech. But Richard Sherman’s here, though he’s been pretty subdued for the most part. He better step it up. There’s only one more day to really start yelling at people BECAUSE HE’S CRAZY!! AND WENT TO STANFORD!! HE’S SMART CRAZY!!
There’s been no shortage of story lines this week from the aforementioned Sherman being asked about making it rain at the strip club, to Peyton Manning (did you know he’s playing in the game and his legacy is at stake?) throwing duck yards and duck touchdowns for the last couple years. Also, Pete Carroll has been smiling a lot, John Elway has been being The Freakin’ Duke around town, Russell Wilson has been not getting a haircut, Marshawn Lynch has been dropping the greatest phrases known to man – “I’m just ’bout ‘dat action, boss” – and Wes Welker has been trying to explain to people why Bill Belichick hates him. But hey, there’s a game on Sunday!
There have been 266 NFL contests played this year and it’s all come down to this. One more. Seahawks. Broncos. For all the proverbial marbles, or in this case, Tiffany hardware. Vince Lombardi will be headed west this offseason, but will he cross the Rockies and get rained on in the PacNorth, or will the finest piece of hardware in the land hit the microbrew scene in the 303? I can’t wait to find out.
And since last year’s column was such a rousing success (rousing might be a bit overstated), we here at The Chris Brockman Website decided to bring the gimmick back for another go’round. So without further adieu, here’s the 48 Things To Expect During Super Bowl XLVIII.
1.) Joe Buck and Troy Aikman will talk about how cold it is at MetLife Stadium.
2.) It won’t actually be that cold.
3.) Roger Goodell will be shown sitting outside among the “real” “fans” because he is a “one-of-the-guys” type of commish.
4.) The opera chick singing the National Anthem will take for-eva to belt it out.
5.) Fox will try and get a close-up of Knowshon Moreno crying in pre-game.
6.) They will fail.
7.) Most of the commercials will be terrible.
8.) Except Bud Light. They always hit home runs.
9.) You’ll have no idea what songs Bruno Mars is singing. That’s because no one can name any song that he sings.
10.) The Red Hot Chili Peppers will rock out and may literally actually have their cocks out.
11.) The Broncos will be winning at halftime.
12.) Peyton Manning will throw an interception in the game.
13.) It will not be to Richard Sherman.
14.) Joe Buck will make a joke tossing it down to Erin Andrews about Richard Sherman’s rant two weeks ago.
15.) Pam Oliver’s weave will look absolutely ridiculous.
16.) Darren Rovell will tweet about the amount of buffalo wings consumed during Super Bowl parties.
17.) You will all threaten to unfollow him but not actually go through with it.
18.) It will be mentioned roughly 3.5 times how Marshawn Lynch now has an endorsement deal with Skittles.
19.) And how Beast Mode wasn’t exactly an active participant in talking to the media this week.
20.) Not that it matters because Lynch is going to run for 125 yards at 2 touchdowns.
21.) We all will be reminded that Wes Welker dropped a potential Super Bowl-clinching pass two years ago.
22.) Pete Carroll will be shown roughly 27 times chomping away on a poor piece of gum.
23.) He’ll be smiling the entire time because now that Dick Clark has passed away, Carroll is the world’s oldest teenager.
24.) It’ll be mentioned that Peyton Manning is old and Russell Wilson is not.
25.) And that Wilson used to play baseball.
26.) And that he loves Jesus.
27.) And that Manning loves Papa John’s.
28.) And getting them checks.
29.) There will be roughly 37 promos for some awful new Fox show that will get canceled after 4 episodes.
30.) The “celebrities-at-the-game” montage will be hilarious because they all will look freezing cold and completely miserable.
31.) We’ll all be warm and full from eating tons of delicious food in the comfort of our homes.
32.) Julius Thomas will catch a touchdown pass.
33.) We’ll hear more than a few times how much the Broncos defense misses Von Miller.
34.) Legion of Boom will be said 17 different times.
35.) Troy Aikman will express his discontent for the bravado at which Seattle plays defense.
36.) We will be reminded that Seattle’s fans are called the “12th Man.”
37.) The coin toss will come up “heads.”
38.) The gatorade doused on the winning head coach will be yellow.
39.) The first points of the game will be a field goal.
40.) You will all wish you were at my house for the game.
41.) But don’t worry, I’ll be live-tweeting the festivities.
42.) Kurt Warner and Ben Roethlisberger will be mentioned.
43.) So will Madonna. Just cause.
44.) There will be a special teams touchdown.
45.) And at least two missed field goals.
46.) There will be some kind of precipitation in the second half.
47.) A big defensive play will be made late in the 4th quarter to all but determine the outcome.
So Long to Summitt, Clark
LOS ANGELES — A few hours after Twitter told me legendary Tennessee women’s basketball coach Pat Summitt was retiring after 38 seasons, Twitter told me that we lost a broadcasting legend in Dick Clark, who passed away at age 82 after suffering a heart attack. (Long are the days of Walter Cronkite delivering us the big news in black and white.)
Two icons of their industry, Summitt and Clark changed the way we thought about their avenue of expertise. Summitt is arguably the greatest collegiate coach (mens or womens) of all time and if she isn’t, is only second to UCLA icon John Wooden. Clark brought modern music to middle America with “American Band Stand” and later made Dec. 31 a marquee event with “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.”
Let me start there. Growing up, I never understood the hoopla that was the turning of the new year. To me, New Year’s Day was for football, as back then all the major bowl games were played on Jan. 1, and the Tournament of Roses parade that no one watched. But as I grew and stayed up later and later, tuning in to see Dick Clark do his thing in Times Square became a ritual. The Ball Drop became an iconic kickoff to each year and was not to be missed.
Shortly after college, my friends and I would try and meet in New York City to celebrate the New Year at a local upper east side establishment. We managed to five in a row and while it wasn’t Times Square to say the least (and thank goodness for that) the bar always had Dick Clark on the TV and counted down the final 20 seconds before the real celebration began.
Clark also hosted “$10,000 Pyramid” and all its variations throughout the years, which was one of the greatest game shows of all time (essentially, it’s Taboo, for those clueless folk) and what got me into game shows to begin with. When I was ages 6-9, my family lived in Virginia, which was a stone’s throw from both my mom and dad’s parents’ houses in Pennslyvania, and such, we’d visit often. My mom’s mom always had daytime television on her 13-inch kitchen TV set, and knowing this was where I could get constant goodies, I’d hang out there and watch all these shows with her; Pyramid, Family Feud, Price is Right and later on, Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. It was a fun bonding experience for both of us and probably why I enjoy trivia and useless information to this day.
Clark was also a Syracuse University alumnus, Class of 1951, and set the stage for the run of famous broadcasters to grace central New York with their presence, so he’s got a special place in my heart for that. Though it’s always been funny to me how much we value those who attended the same college and university before us. Like it matters, or their previous success matters as to how you’ll turn out as a student. It’s all a mere coincidence. Though, who among us didn’t, at least in some small way, base which college they attended on famous alumni. [sheepishly raises hand]
It was rough seeing Clark on television in recent years after his stroke in 2006 left him debilitated. There’s just something about seeing those we care about not at 100%. It pains us. We want to remember them on top of their game. Sharp. Witty. Strong-willed and minded. It’s why it’s hard to see Muhammad Ali at public functions these days, or even when I ran into James Earl Jones at the Oscars this past February. Even my own grandmother, I’m guessing, will be hard to handle at my cousin’s wedding next month.
It’s why the news of Summitt, the winningest NCAA basketball coach of all time, being diagnosed with the early stages of dementia last fall was tough to swallow as well. Her iron will, stare, determination and drive are well documented and to think she could be anything slightly less than that was unfathomable. How could something like dementia strike her. Hopefully, now that she’s left her duties at Tennessee, she can become the face of helping to find a cure for this sickening disease. There’s no doubt she’ll attack this challenge with the strength she gave the Volunteers over her 38 years and eight championships.
In the span of a couple hours on Wednesday, two great Americans left us. One for good, the other just in the professionally. But what they meant to their fans and those they touched will live on forever. It’s said, “everything happens in threes,” so I’m anxious to see who’s the next to retire or leave us prematurely. Longtime CBS News man Mike Wallace passed last week so maybe he was the first and Summitt and Clark completed the trio.
Either way, I’m sure Twitter will let me know.