2012 NFL ‘You’re The Man’ Rankings — Week 10
LOS ANGELES — The halfway point of the regular season is a time for all the pundits to adjust their preseason predictions. Here at The Chris Brockman Website, we make statements and stick by them, which is why we’re standing behind our prognostications 100%! Back in August, I went on record and chose Lovie Smith as my Coach of the Year, Matthew Stafford as my passing champ, Darren McFadden as my rushing champ and Tom Brady my MVP. Also, I predicted the Patriots and Packers to reach the Super Bowl (the same pick I said in 2011 (I was half right)) and I have no reason to move off that.
New England is 5-3 and Green Bay is 6-3 and each are improving by the week. The Packers have been bitten the injury bug this year, especially at receiver with Greg Jennings and Jordy Nelson but have still made plays and put up numbers. Tom Brady is still doing his thing and the young defense seems to be improving, though time will tell with the secondary. So, I’m standing by my NFC playoff teams: 49ers, Packers, Bears, Giants, Bucs and Falcons. In the AFC, honestly, I don’t recall exactly what I said since I don’t think I wrote it down, but I’m calling Patriots, Steelers, Ravens, Broncos, Texans and Colts.
What say you? Send me your pics here at the halfway point. While you mull it over, let’s find out Who’s The Man.
32.) Kansas City Chiefs (1-7) (32) — If you’re in the market for some large, luxury-style homes with lots of bathrooms, probably theaters and pool tables in the greater Kansas City area, you’re in luck! There should be at least three such available in less than two months after Romeo Crennell, Scott Pioli and Matt Cassel all get axed.
31.) Jacksonville Jaguars (1-7) (31) — I’ve run out of things to say about the Jaguars, so here’s a quickie Extra Butter about the movie I saw over the weekend, “Sinister,” which was as frightening Jacksonville’s play this season… Without giving anything away, here’s a quick plot outline: Ethan Hawke is a true crime novelist looking for one more big hit. He stumbles across what he realizes is a series of murders he thinks are connected. Only he and his family end up becoming part of the story. It’s very good. Some jumpy parts. Moves quickly. If you’re into this genre, you’ll enjoy it. Brockman Stamp of Approval: 3.5 out of 5 boxes of home movies.
30.) Cleveland Browns (2-7) (29) lost — OK, so maybe my Browns honking was a bit premature last week. Someone has to stump for them, though, right? I mean, no one’s watching their games now that the NBA has started and Kyrie Irving and Dion Waters are manning the Cavs backcourt. Those two could have a great decade run if Dan Gilbert doesn’t run them out of town with Comic Sans emails.
29.) Buffalo Bills (3-5) (28) — I blame last week’s loss to Texans on the fact that the Amish Rifle shaved his beard into a goatee. You don’t mess with beard karma, as I’ve learned after trimming mine into a hideous mustache for No Shave November. OK, I guess the Texans are pretty freakin’ good.
28.) Carolina Panthers (2-6) (30) — Here’s the good news for all you Mitt Romney supporters: in 17-of-the-last-19 presidential elections, if the Redskins win their last home game before Election Day the incumbent party retains the White House. The Panthers defeated the Redskins in Landover, Md. on Sunday. Will the GOP be celebrating Tuesday night? (update: nope, they sure weren’t.)
27.) Arizona Cardinals (4-5) (27) — If you saw this game or any of the highlites or saw Larry Fitzgerald’s touchdown reception on Red Zone Channel, did you notice how hard he had to work on that thing? How many jukes and moves and broken tackles he had to withstand just to find the end zone? It should not be that difficult for one of the top, if not the top, receivers in the game to score. It just shouldn’t. At this point, I’m sure Fitz wouldn’t mind if Michael Vick were his quarterback. Ya know, assuming Vick is out of a job in about 8 weeks. #FreeFitz
26.) Tennessee Titans (3-6) (25) — I’ll let Titans owner Bud Adams bring this one home: “In my 50 years of owning an NFL franchise, I am at a loss to recall a regular season home game that was such a disappointment for myself, and fans of the Titans,” Adams told The Tennessean. “We were grossly outcoached and outplayed from start to finish today… At this time, all aspects of the organization will be closely evaluated, including front office, coaches and players over the next seven games. If performance and competitiveness does not improve, I will look at all alternatives to get back to having the Titans become a playoff and championship football team.”
25.) Philadelphia Eagles (3-5) (23) — Ooooooooh Philadelphia. What a week this is going to be there. But before Jeff Lurie does anything, I hope he checks in with Marcus Vick; he seems to have a lot to say.
24.) Oakland Raiders (3-5) (26) — I attended the UCLA/Arizona game this past weekend at the Rose Bowl, my first trip to the famous Pasadena stadium. Loved the experience, and even though the game was an absolute boat race, there were some heavily intoxicated females sitting in front of us who happen to be talking about fantasy football. I leered close enough to get myself into the conversation. One of them said she had to start Carson Palmer this week with Tom Brady on a bye, but she didn’t feel good about because she “hated” the Raiders and didn’t like Palmer “because he’s a Trojan.” I told her to stick with Palmer, that he would undoubtedly have a big game, which he did: 39-of-61, 414 yards, 4 TDs, 3 INTs and a 2pt conversion. In my league, good enough for 40.3 points. You’re welcome, drunk broad.
23.) St. Louis Rams (3-5) (24) — I feel like I’ve been doing my Rams fans readers (I’m guessing there has to be at least one of you out there) a disservice all season long because I just can’t find anything to say about this team. It’d be one thing if it was good and flew under the radar and was sniffing the playoffs, but I don’t see that happening. Danny Amendola should be back this week. That’s good, right?
22.) New York Jets (3-5) (22) — My editor on Sunday nights, Jantzen, the die-hard Steelers fan who feared for his life at a Raiders game earlier this year, had a great comment about the Jets at halftime of the Giants/Steelers game when it looked like the fix was in for the G-Men. It’s kinda moot since the Steelers ended up winning the game, but check it out anyway. I hate the Jets.
21.) Cincinnati Bengals (3-5) (21) — Of all the teams in the league who think they’re good but really aren’t even close to being there, the Bengals might be the best of them. Did you follow that? I’m not even sure I did, but Cincy is approaching St. Louis territory where I’m just running out of things to say about them since I don’t a) have anyone on my fantasy team on them and b) they’re just not that interesting. I mean, their quarterback is a ginger for crying out loud!
20.) Washington Redskins (3-6) (14) — Correct me if I’m wrong, but it can’t be good if your head coach says after a loss that he’s at the point in the season where he’s evaluating players as to who will be on the team next season, can it?
19.) Dallas Cowboys (3-5) (20) — Jerry Jones is pretty fascinating. He seems to “get it” in every part of his life EXCEPT when it comes to running his football team. Think about it. This guy is a billionaire. He makes TV cameos and is funny, quick and basically a better actor than 75% of those who do it professionally. He built a stadium that is a modern marvel of modern technology. He was ahead of the plastic surgery craze. But for some reason he can’t put the pieces together to field a winning football team. He really should be running the Jets.
18.) San Diego Chargers (4-4) (19) — Nobody wins in November like Norv Turner, and they did it again last Thursday. Sure, the Chargers did get a gift in terms of the hapless Chiefs, but Philip Rivers and Co. still had to go out and make plays, and they did. Now the Norv gets at least a one-week reprieve from the axe.
17.) Detroit Lions (4-4) (18) — Matthew Stafford came on the Rich Eisen Podcast this week and basically said it’s Calvin Johnson’s fault for not scoring more TDs this season. He noted at least 5 times that Megatron has gotten tackled inside the 2-yard line this season. Stafford also noted he’s been taking a lot of heat from fantasy owners. I’m in a 2-QB league and drafted Johnson with my first overall pick (yeah, I’m in last place) and traded him this week for Doug Martin. Yup. I’m a winner.
16.) Miami Dolphins (4-4) (12) — Despite last week’s loss, which featured both the Colts and Dolphins with winning records (raise your hand if you thought that would happen this year; I shouldn’t be seeing any hands), I still like this Dolphins team. Reggie Bush runs hard, Lauren Tannehill’s husband has been very solid.
15.) Minnesota Vikings (5-4) (15) — My Maine buddy Jimmy is losing faith in his Vikings. As I wrote him at one point, the ship be sinking: “Your stud RB runs for 182 yards, 2 TD’s, and your team loses by double digits. This may not be our year.”
14.) New Orleans Saints (3-5) (16) — I don’t know if the Saints still have a shot at the playoffs or not. I tend to think the Bucs are going to be a wild card team and most likely the Packers. However, if this team makes the playoffs, Look. The. Eff. Out. Yes, they can’t stop Narbonne High School, but do you want to face Drew Brees with a chance to shut everyone up about how their season would be lost without Sean Payton? And speaking of Payton, is there any way he’s not coaching the Cowboys next year? You don’t think Jerry Jones is gonna pay him $10M a year and give him a jet or an island or Paulie’s talking robot from Rocky IV or something to seal the deal?
13.) Indianapolis Colts (5-3) (17) — After 8 games, Andrew Luck has 2,404 yards passing. That ranks tied for 4th in the NFL. You know with whom? Peyton Manning, maybe you’ve heard of him.
12.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-4) (13) — So Doug Martin has had two really amazing games, huh? But here’s my stance on him not liking his nickname “Muscle Hamster.” Tough. Get over it. You think there are kids out there who don’t love their nicknames? You think Chunk from “Goonies” or a giant fat guy named “Tiny” like those?
11.) Seattle Seahawks (5-4) (11) — I don’t think this team is going to make the playoffs, but Russell Wilson is proving a dangerous playmaker. You wouldn’t take him over My Good Friend Robert, I understand, but he’s not a bad alternative. Look at their numbers: 62 comp %, 1,639 yards, 13 TDs, 8 INTs and 65.6 comp %, 1,993 yards, 8 TDs, 3 INTs. Who would you take?
10.) Baltimore Ravens (6-2) (9) — What the hell is going on with that Ravens offense? No, seriously, this is a legitimate question. They have weapons coming out of the nest and barely beat the Chiefs and Browns. This is troubling, and a major reason why they’ve slipped in rankings. YOU HAVE RAY RICE, JUST GIVE HIM THE BALL. OK, I’m done.
9.) New York Giants (6-3) (3) — Now it’s Eli Manning’s fault? That sounds about right. Sure, Eli is slumping, only throwing 2 TDs in his late 4 games and under 200 yards in 3 of those, but they still should take control of the NFC East. After 2 Super Bowls, I’m not ruling the Giants out of anything until the playoffs start and they’re not in them.
8.) Pittsburgh Steelers (5-3) (10) — Wait, so these ARE your daddy’s Steelers? In the last few years, Pittsburgh has transformed itself into a new-age Black & Gold, with Ben Roethlisberger winging it all over the yard. But as the offensive line has gone down with some injuries this season, Pittsburgh has gone back to its old school roots, pounding the rock with whomever they line up at tail back. Lately, it’s been Jonathan Dwyer and Issac Redman, who’ve combined for nearly 400 yards in the last three games.
7,) Denver Broncos (5-4) (8) — As long as Peyton Manning keeps ballin’ out of control, his teammates will rally and play up to his level and the Broncos will be a threat down the stretch. I’m not sure how good their defense is, but any time you have Von Miller rushing the quarterback, sacking him and doing a silly dance, you got a shot.
6.) New England Patriots (5-3) (7) — The man with my favorite name in sports, Aqib Talib, was acquired by the Patriots during their bye week from Tampa Bay in a move that surprised many given Talib’s fondness with breaking the law. He doesn’t exactly fit the demographic of what a Patriots player looks like, then again, Bill Belichick has taken chances on players with sketchy backgrounds in the past. The key always being, if you perform on the field, I don’t care what you did before you got here. And New England needs secondary help. Currently, it’s 28th against the pass (281.1 ypg) and have given up the 3rd most passing TDs (17).
5.) San Francisco 49ers (6-2) (6) — The 49ers still have to play the Bears, Saints, Patriots and Seahawks in the second half of the season. To quote Cris Collinsworth: I’m not so sure San Francisco doesn’t have a tough road to the #1 seed in the NFC.
4.) Green Bay Packers (6-3) (4) — Before the season started I was out with my friend Justine, and she was texting with her friend Randall Cobb. She said he was telling her how the Packers were planning to use him this season, and they were expecting big things. It was then I decided I want to get Cobb on my fantasy team. Ultimately, I waited too long to pick him up, but I’m very glad to see him ballin’ out like he has. No way anyone envisioned 45 rec, 500 yards and 6 TDs including another 667 return yards and a punt return TD. And he’s only 22 years old.
3.) Houston Texans (7-1) (5) — How many times are the Texans going to run that play-action bootleg and then throw it deep to the tight end for a touchdown this season before teams start preparing for it? The tight end is always WIDE OPEN. They did it again against Buffalo this past Sunday. Oh, and Arian Foster has now scored a touchdown in 12 straight games. Me likey that very much.
2.) Chicago Bears (7-1) (2) — Holy smokes, Charles Tillman just ran into my apartment, punched my laptop out of my hand and Brian Urlacher raced by, scooped it up and ran to the The Grove’s Apple Store for a touchdown rebate!!?! What in the hell just happened?!
1.) Atlanta Falcons (8-0) (1) — Seeing a lot of articles this week comparing the Falcons to other 8-0 teams in history and coming to the conclusion that this team doesn’t stack up. I often like to quote Bill Parcells: you are what your record is. And this Falcons team is 8-0, and of the 14 teams in NFL history to reach that mark, 9 of them (64.3%) have reached the Super Bowl. And as Herm Edwards says:
… and right now, the Falcons are winning. And that’s all that matters.
Superficially Scoring The 1st Presidential Debate
LOS ANGELES — By a show of hands, how many of you wanted to be President when you were younger? That’s it? Weird, I thought it’d be more. Anyway, part of the “American Dream” appeal is the belief anyone can become President; to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and lead the nation like no one has before. With a wink and a nod, we all know that’s not really the case. Only certain individuals will ever have the opportunity to host Easter Egg Hunts on the South Lawn and have sleepovers in the Lincoln Bedroom.
There are rules to being President, and even having the chance to be President, and despite what anyone says the first rule is: You Have To Look The Part. That’s why we have the two guys we’re left with now. It’s why in movies the president is always played by a handsome or stately-looking gentleman like Michael Douglas or James Cromwell.
Sticking with the superficial theme, I watched Wednesday’s first Presidential Debate from Denver with a keen eye and closed ears. Because who cares about what’s actually being said when most of it is complete B.S. to begin with. I want my President to pretty much be James Bond, which, unfortunately, leaves us S.O.L. in 2012 (but Skyfall comes out November 9!!). However, that didn’t stop me from keeping score and determining an unbiased winner.
Here’s how I broke it down.
Talking Time of Possession: Barack Obama. CNN had a lower right clock counter that tallied the total time each candidate talked. Naturally, the more you talk, the better you performed in the debate. Barack Obama is the winner here by speaking for 43 minutes, to Mitt Romney’s 38-and-a-half.
Who Wore It Better: Barack Obama. The best part of the Academy Awards, or any awards show, really, is seeing what all the “stars” wear and then decide who looked great and who should fire their stylist. For debates, conservative is generally the name of the game, so I was expecting the navy suits. However, I was disappointed neither candidate went with a skinny or rocked a tie clip. Obama wins this round for the sharpness of his solid true blue neckpiece.
Best Hair: Mitt Romney. When you don’t have any hair, you get to know a thing or two about admiring others’ locks. Now, I can respect the President’s high-and-tight look since it’s what I’ve rocked most of my life. However, Mitt Romney has some fantastic hair. Presidential hair, one might say. Though, if he gets elected he might want to clean up the gray. Can’t be having the most powerful man in the world looking like Paulie Walnuts.
Best Honey Boo Boo: Ann Romney. Now I’m not saying the First Lady doesn’t look great. She certainly knows how to rock what she’s got. And her pipes are some of the finest around. I’m sorta jealous of them, to be honest. But Wednesday night wasn’t just a bad night for her husband. Michelle had better step her game up for the second debate. Ann Romney brought her ‘A’ game to Denver, complete with pearls. You know I’ve got a soft spot for pearl necklaces.
Most Random Cities Mentioned: Barack Obama. The best part of any debate, in my mind, is how specific the candidates try to be. Sure, we all care about numbers and percentages and trillion this and Whatever Act that; it all sounds great. But I want to know how people like me are going to be affected if you get elected; how is my life going to be better. And that’s when great stories like the electronics store owner in Des Moines and the dairy farmer in Little Rock and the fisherman in Wasila come into play. Joe Sixpack, if you will. And nobody does that better than the President, who not once, not twice, but at least THREE TIMES referenced his grandmother. Well done, sir.
Size of Lapel Flag Pin: Mitt Romney. This is simple; the bigger your flag pin, the more you love America. This is all the proof I need.
Best Way To Blame China For Killing Big Bird: Mitt Romney. In the upset of the night, Big Bird basically got killed by a mormon. Romney said that should he be elected he’d cut funding for PBS, claiming he didn’t want to fund programs as an excuse to owe China more money, or something like that. And then claimed he like both liked Jim Lehrer and Big Bird, before saying they had to go. Now, I don’t think anyone would notice if Jim took a hike, but a 9-foot yellow bird doesn’t just go away without some 5-year olds noticing. It also spawned one of the best fake Twitter accounts since the Bronx Zoo Cobra.
Best Walking Over of Jim Lehrer: Barack Obama. This was really a toss-up, since both candidates did a great job of basically ignoring everything the moderator had to say or any ground rules he laid out beforehand. There were interruptions, answers that way far longer than they should have; you name it. However, the best butt-in came from the President, who noticed that one Lehrer chime cost him 5 seconds of answer time. No one cuts the President off with 5 seconds to spare might be my new, “no one puts Baby in a corner.”
Best Use of Aggression To Make People Think You Know What You’re Talking About: Mitt Romney. My mom used to say just because you talk loudest doesn’t mean you’re right or have control of the conversation; well, clearly she was wrong because that’s just what happened in this debate. Mitt came out swinging, knocked the Prez on his heels and never looked back. I don’t know if anything he said was accurate but that’s not what debates are all about. It’s about making people think you’re right. Mission Accomplished.
Debate 1 Winner: Mitt Romney. My extremely scientific and analytic breakdown have this 4-3 for Romney. There you have it. See you for the second debate, October 11, from Danville, Kentucky.