LOS ANGELES — It’s been a very busy week putting together the Rich Eisen Podcast Thanksgiving Special, so forgive the lateness and quickie feel to this week’s rankings. We’re back in full force for Week 13.
Let’s find out who’s the man.
32.) Kansas City Chiefs (32) — Eric Stonestreet, you know him better as Cameron on “Modern Family,” is a huge Chiefs fan. He spills his guts on how he feels about them on our Thanksgiving Special on NFL Network. You can check out the audio here.
31.) Jacksonville Jaguars (31) — Chad Henne, everybody!
30.) Cleveland Browns (29) — You’re not going to believe this, but I saw Greg Little make a catch in this game. Like a really good one. No, I’m serious!
29.) Carolina Panthers (30) — Remember how even he got wrecked over the middle or the Steelers were losing, Hines Ward would be smiling? Well, Cam Newton is the opposite of that. Dude NEVER looks happy anymore.
28.) Philadelphia Eagles (25) — Sooooo, maybe it’s not all Michael Vick’s fault?
27.) New York Jets (28) — Can we all just admit the Jets traded for Tim Tebow to a) steal back page headlines from the Giants, and b) so the Patriots wouldn’t acquire him and turn him into the next Danny Woodhead? K, thanks.
26.) Arizona Cardinals (27) — When you’re turnover margin in one game is plus-5 but you’re point differential is -4, that’s a problem. I’m not saying, I’m just saying.
25.) Miami Dolphins (17) — Is there a bigger fraudulent team in the NFL right now than the Dolphins? I need to look at Lauren Tannehill to make myself feel better.
24.) Buffalo Bills (26) — A few peeps from home sent me pics of them hanging out with the Amish Rifle last weekend at the Harvard-Yale game. Love that guy.
23.) Oakland Raiders (24) — How do the Raiders lose and yet rise in the rankings, you ask? Because everyone else is that crappy, that’s how! And Carson Palmer is 3rd in the league in passing yards! Third!
22.) St. Louis Rams (21) — This team. They could’ve buried the Jets and entered the playoff picture and got smoked. At home!
21.) Washington Redskins (23) — Imagine if the Redskins beat the Cowboys on Thanksgiving and sneak into the NFC playoff picture? How insane would that be?
20.) Tennessee Titans (22) — It’s about time to put the 2012 Titans to bed.
19.) San Diego Chargers (20) — If you ever need entertained on Sundays, just follow the Twitter stream of David Letterman writer Eric Stangel. It’s worth it. Trust me.
18.) Detroit Lions (18) — I don’t hate Matthew Stafford, I swear. But bro needs to stop throwing the ball like Vlad Guerrero swings it: from his ankles. Not a good look for a wannabe Super Bowl contender.
17. Cincinnati Bengals (19) — Up. Down. Down. Up. Can’t figure out these Bengals.
16.) Dallas Cowboys (16) — It’s just like the Cowboys to be on the brink of disaster and then sneak in a win to keep their very slim playoff hopes alive. Still say Sean Payton is the coach next year. Oh, and if you missed it, my photoshop genius thanks to Jim Brockmire on what he thinks about the Jerry Jones/Jason Garrett relationship.
15.) Minnesota Vikings (15) — With the Vikings on a bye week, my buddy from home, Jimmy, had no reason to chime in with playoffs talk. But make sure you check out Adrian Peterson on the Rich Eisen Podcast Thanksgiving Special on Friday night at 10pmET and again on Saturday morning at 10amET. You can also listen to the full audio version here. Thanks again.
14.) New York Giants (13) — Big game in Week 12, playing host to the surging Packers.
13.) Indianapolis Colts (12) — Andrew Luck is going to be a superstar in this league for a long, long time, but he got a first-hand look at how the creme-de-la-creme do it in Tom Brady in Week 11.
12.) New Orleans Saints (14) — Is there a team in the NFC right now you don’t want to play more than the Saints? This team is straight up ballin’. Five wins in its last six games. Look. Out.
11.) Seattle Seahawks (10) — I was pretty sad this past weekend. Why? I’ll tell you. The best part of Gameday Highlites on Sunday afternoons is when Deion Sanders sings during Seahawks games, “his first name’s Russell… his last name’s Wilson!” And with Seattle on a bye last week, we were robbed of that diddy.
10.) Pittsburgh Steelers (8) — Can you throw a forward pass? Can you stay upright for 60 minutes? Can you hand the ball off to gigantic running backs? Then you, too, could play quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers! Charlie Batch!
9.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (11) — I’m sticking with my prediction that these Bucs make the playoffs. We’ll see. Tough schedule down the stretch.
8.) Chicago Bears (4) — If we learned anything Monday night in San Francisco, it’s that Jason Campbell is getting paid $3.5M this season to get sacked by Aldon Smith.
7.) Baltimore Ravens (9) — For Ray Rice’s sake, I hope him trading his game gloves for a Terrible Towel and then waving it triumphantly as he walked off Heinz Field doesn’t come back to bite him. Didn’t workout too well for those teams in the past that tried it.
6.) Denver Broncos (7) — Don’t look now, but Denver has won 5 straight and Peyton Manning is making room in his trophy case for another MVP.
5. San Francisco 49ers (6) — Colin Kaepernick just torched the Bears. Jim Harbaugh says postgame he’s going to go with the hot hand as his quarterback. Harbaugh names Kaepernick the starter late Wednesday. I dominated the SATs.
4.) Atlanta Falcons (2) — Well, here’s one way to look at it: the Falcons are now 1-0 in games which Matt Ryan throws 5 interceptions.
3.) New England Patriots (5) — Aqib Talib had quite the day, Sunday. He got beat for a TD, picked one off and returned it for a TD, he got burned a couple times, he made some tackles. Hey, anything’s better than what the Patriots had back there.*
2.) Green Bay Packers (3) — My NFC Super Bowl pick is getting better each week, and the amazing thing is they’ve been doing it all year without a running game. Seriously, is Ahman Green up next for the Packers in the backfield?
1.) Houston Texans (1) — A top-end defense and an offense that can score in a hurry on the ground or in the air. And I see you 2nd-most single-game passing yards Matt Schaub. Bald is beautiful.
* not gonna talk about Rob Gronkowski. Not. Gonna. Do. It.