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2012 NFL ‘You’re The Man’ Rankings — Week 8
LOS ANGELES — Cool story this week out of league headquarters, where an 11-year old sent a letter to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and suggested that the referees use pink penalty flags during games in honor of breast cancer awareness month. And you know what, Roger replied and instituted the idea for this week’s Jets/Dolphins game. How about that for taking action?
Player safety? Nope. BountyGate? Fuggeduaboutit. Pink referee flags. Booyah.
My best friend’s mom is a breast cancer survivor. I’m down with the NFL celebrating this month how they do. I know a lot of people who have a problem with it, think it’s tacky, makes the games tough and distracting to watch. To hell with them. The NFL is the biggest sports league in the country and is more popular than all the rest combined and it’s honorable that they do this in support of women across America.
In honor of that, let’s find out who’s the woman this week.
32.) Kansas City Chiefs (1-5) (32) — OK, Chiefs fans, looks like you’re stuck with Brady Quinn. Romeo Crennel announced Monday Quinn would be replacing Matt Cassel for the remainder of the season. I’m gonna let that sink in for a second so you can full wrap your mind around Dr. Biceps being your starter the next 9 weeks (let’s be real, you’re not making the playoffs and if you do, I’ll fly to KC and run around town naked. In December).
31.) Jacksonville Jaguars (1-5) (31) — So here’s what my dumbass did this week. Had a trade offer to a buddy involving MJD and Darren McFadden, and a couple of receivers. Said buddy did not get back to me for several days. Another came in with a trade offer of Vincent Jackson for MJD straight up. I turned that down after Jackson left practice with a calf injury, plus, I wanted to get a running back in return since I’d be giving up my No. 2. Guess what happened on Sunday? MJD – 2 carries, 6 yards. VJax – 7 catches, 216 yards, TD. I’m a moron.
30.) Carolina Panthers (1-5) (30) —I don’t have to say anything this week about the Panthers, Cam Newton said it all after Sunday’s loss to the Cowboys: “The past couple of games has been the same script by the same kind of director. It’s kind of getting boring… I don’t know what it is but something is going to have to change… We just find a way to keep games close and see what happens at the end. It’s not a formula for success. And I’m getting tired of it. That’s not a formula to win. Domination is a formula to win… I’m going to leave this room and I’m going to bring a suggestion box. And I want your suggestions to be in that suggestion box because I sure don’t know. I really don’t.”
29.) Cleveland Browns (1-6) (28) — Brandon Weeden has the 2nd most passing yards by a rookie through 7 team games in NFL history (1,783). Do you know who has the most? Cam Newton, last year. Not a good sign, Brandon. He’s also is tied for the league lead in interceptions with 10. Needless to say, the Browns like to wing it around the yard, which I like, don’t get me wrong.
28.) Oakland Raiders (2-4) (27) — The Raiders might be the first team in the history of this column, which dates back all the way to September, to win a game and drop. HOWEVER, and I took some serious heat for this, big ups to Carson Palmer, who I explained last week the type of player he is, for getting me nearly 23 points in fantasy. Palmer out-performed his projection by more than 7 points. So, thank you, sir. Keep delivering the rock to Brandon Myers and we’ll remain good.
27.) Buffalo Bills (3-4) (25) — It’s pretty bad when the coolest part of your game is when your receiver does an end zone dance of a song that’s already been beaten in the ground. And seriously, HAS ANYONE SEEN MARIO WILLIAMS?? Oh, bye week wrist surgery? Gotcha. Makes sense.
26.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-4) (23) — The Bucs get points for wearing the cremecicle jerseys. Forget the Chargers powder blues, these babies are my favorite. They lose points for pretty much everything else that goes on on the field. Oh, and eff Vincent Jackson.
25.) Detroit Lions Lions (2-4) (24) — Is it time to start talking about the Madden Curse for Calvin Johnson? We all thought if anyone was going to be immune to the curse, it would be Megatron. But he only has 1 TD this season and everyone is wondering what’s up. Forget the fact that he’s still 5th in receiving yards (592) and 10th in receptions (38). Maybe Matthew Stafford is the problem.
24.) Tennessee Titans (3-4) (29) — My brother, Matthew, is just ballin’ out there. And Chris Johnson turned back the clock a couple years and broke out the fast shoes. That’s three good games in four weeks for CJ. Can he make it 4-for-5 against the Colts? I’d love it. #BaldIsBeautiful
23.) St. Louis Rams (3-4) (18) — London is a long way from St. Louis. The Rams are playing a “home” game against the Patriots at Wembley Stadium this weekend. We had British presenter and celebrity Vernon Kay on the Rich Eisen Podcast this week and he said the city is pumped up for some American football, and I believe him. You’d think with the Patriots coming to town, it would be a Rams crowd, right? They’re still holding a Revolutionary War grudge, I’m guessing.
22.) Cincinnati Bengals (2-4) (17) — Another disappointing team in 2012, the Bengals choked away a 14-3 lead over the Steelers in a key division home game on Sunday. Can’t give away those babies and expect to make a repeat trip to the postseason. Guessing the Steelers end up running the table, riding the emotions of that win. Oh, and Andy Dalton has 10 picks. Can’t keep that up and expect to win.
21.) Philadelphia Eagles (3-3) (26) — Andy Reid is something like 12-0 in games after a bye week. The No. 1 Falcons are coming to the City of Brotherly Love this weekend. Something has to give.
20.) Indianapolis Colts (3-3) (22) — I’m glad the Colts keep winning and I get to keep seeing locker room video of a red-faced Jim Irsay handing out game balls. Go online and find this stuff, peeps, it’s priceless. And someone please tell Andrew Luck to shave the neck beard! I’ll keep saying it til it happens, not a good look, bro.
19.) New York Jets (3-4) (21) — Not gonna lie, I was fairly impressed with Mark Sanchez in the second half against the Patriots, and to be honest, the Jets should’ve won the game. They had it in their hands, and then Stephen Hill dropped it. And don’t feel bad that Sanchez and Eva Longoria have reportedly broken up, he’ll be just fine.
18.) Arizona Cardinals (4-3) (13) — Three losses in a row is not a good look.
17.) Dallas Cowboys (3-3) (19) — Barely beating the script-following, suggestion-box using Panthers does not a drastic rise in the polls make, dearest Cowboys.
16.) New Orleans Saints (2-4) (20) — No doubt, the Saints are moving up, but they still give up too many points for my blood to be a serious threat to anyone as of yet. However, a win on the road this week in Denver would get them into playoff discussion. Plus, Joe Vitt is back as the true interim head coach. Again, not sure what that means, but we’re about to find out. And did Joe Morgan make the catch of the year this week? Or maybe just the play? Either way, it was pretty freakin’ cool.
15.) Miami Dolphins (3-3) (15) — I made a bold move this week, and one I never thought I’d even consider back in August when we all watched these clowns on “Hard Knocks:” picked up the Dolphins as my defense this week in fantasy against the Jets. Hoping for one of those classic Mark Sanchez games. You know the ones.
14.) San Diego Chargers (3-3) (14) — After last Monday night’s debacle against the Broncos, this team needed a bye week. And what comes out of it, reports of stick-um use?? What year is this? Did Orlando Jones suddenly line up at receiver and we all missed it? Make 7. Up Yours.
13.) Minnesota Vikings (5-2) (12) –– Whaddya got for me this week, Jimmy: “Back in the win column. Another week closer to New Orleans in February… Tampa, then Seattle. If we bring it we’ll be 7-2 at the bye week. Scary huh?”
12.) Washington Redskins (3-4) (11) — Was there a more badass play than the 4th and 10 from his own 23 wtih 2:07 to play than My Good Friend Robert has had all season? And as you were watching, did you have any doubts in your mind that he’d pull it off? Me neither. Now, I’m not like others who think he’s the MVP of the league, but we’re watching something pretty special right now in Landover.
11.) Pittsburgh Steelers (3-3) (16) — While I was typing this Mike Wallace dropped 4 more passes. Seriously, bro. Call Norv Turner and get some of that Chargers stick-um ’cause you’re KILLING the Colt .45 Hollywood Bandits. Yeah, Mike Tomlin is probably pissed, too.
10.) Denver Broncos (3-3) (10) — Did you know Peyton Manning threw for 4 more TDs and 323 yards during the bye week? No, seriously, he was playing against the Chargers on Madden and they still couldn’t stop him. Maybe I was wrong about #18. Remember, I said I hoped I was wrong. Big game with the Saints this weekend. Big game.
9.) New England Patriots (4-3) (9) — I have no idea about this Patriots team anymore, but I do know one thing: its not any good. Bill Simmons had a tweet on Sunday about getting that Larry Bird in 1990 feel, which I assumed he meant about Tom Brady being near the end of the line. And I’m not ready to go there, but shoot, man, let’s put a freakin’ game away or something.
8.) Seattle Seahawks (4-3) (8) — Their Week 7 game happened so long ago, I don’t even remember what happened. But I do know I can’t stop talking or thinking about Russell Wilson. It’s really hard not to like this kid, but he has to make more plays out there against good teams (I do not think the Patriots are a good team).
7.) San Francisco 49ers (5-2) (7) — It’s just a given that the Thursday night games kinda stink for three quarters and then heat up in the fourth. So I’m going to give the 49ers a pass for not being as convincing as maybe they should have against Seattle. But they are quite good. Alex Smith had to do more for this team to be a legit Super Bowl contender for me.
6.) Baltimore Ravens (5-2) (2) — Well, that wasn’t a pretty afternoon in Houston, now was it? I happen to think this is a momentary blip in the road for the Ravens. They still have a top flight offense, Terrell Suggs is back, which will help, and they still have a great coach. However, this is all on Joe Flacco now. If he doesn’t rise up then you can forget being mentioned among the game’s best.
5.) Houston Texans (6-1) (6) — Nice to see the Texans bounce back after getting embarrassed at home against the Packers. I know the Ravens are banged up, but that was a boat race. Arian Foster proving he might be the league’s MVP through 7 weeks; he leads the NFL in rushing attempts (168), yards (659) and touchdowns (9). Bow on, brotha. And that defense, sweet sassy mollassy. J.J. Watt already has 10 batted passes this season. That has to be some kind of record, right?
4.) New York Giants (5-2) (5) — I saw an interesting stat with Tom Coughlin has head coach, the Giants haven’t started worse than 5-2 since he took over in 2004. Sure, that ’04 team then lost 8 in a row after that, and the Giants have a tendency to play to the level of their opponent and start slowly at home. But ya know, other than that, they’re great.
3.) Green Bay Packers (4-3) (4) — You like numbers? Here’s some numbers: 54-of-74, 680 yards, 9 TDs. Aaron. Rodgers (in the last 2 weeks). If ya need him.
2.) Chicago Bears (5-1) (3) — Admit it, you thought Jay Cutler died when Ndamukong Suh tossed him around like a sack of potatoes and then dropped a Rock Bottom on him middle ring? I know I did. How was Cutler’s right arm not severed at the shoulder after that hit? I did like Suh coming over after celebrating to make sure Jay was OK. Classy. But why is Brandon Marshall still running his mouth? Looked like a clean hit to me. Oh, and that Bears D is naaaaasty.
1.) Atlanta Falcons (6-0) (1) — I have only one rule: when you’re undefeated AND have a bye week, you’re not allowed to drop from the top spot of my poll.
2012 NFL ‘You’re The Man’ Rankings — Week 2
LOS ANGELES — So, how was that Week 1 for ya? Go down smooth like Saturday’s scotch? How you feelin’ down in NOLA? Up in Green Bay? Out in Philly? Hit the panic button yet? Think Mark Sanchez slept the sleep of kings Sunday night? How about Mike Shanahan? Oh yes, the NFL is back in a big way. Many dazzled (cough, Peyton Manning, cough) and others fizzled (looking right ya, Carson) but you can’t dispute now being the best time of the year. Replacement refs? We’re stuck with them. Oh, and my fantasy teams went 4-1 over the weekend. Four letters. One world. Bang.
The only question I have left: Who’s the Man? Let’s run it down.
32.) Miami Dolphins (record: 0-1) (last week: 31) — I’m guessing the ‘Fins might run their own occupy movement this season. Like, how many consecutive weeks can they occupy the bottom spot in my rankings. I, on the other hand, am going to occupy a new picture of Lauren Tannehill on this space until they climb out of the cellar. Good luck (“Taken” voice.)
31.) Oakland Raiders (0-1) (22) — Sweet mother of Al Davis, Oakland looked terrible. I’m not going to pile on the poor backup longsnapper, but he’s not a real person. Some analyst said the three keys for the Raiders this year is to get the ball to Darren McFadden, get the ball to Darren McFadden and get the ball to Darren McFadden. I can’t disagree.
30.) Cleveland Browns (0-1) (32) — I’m not saying Brandon Weeden would’ve been better off if he just stayed trapped under the giant American Flag like some rightwing R.Kelly, but he would’ve been better off staying under that gigantic American Flag in pregame. Not even 17-year-old Chris Brockman threw 4 picks in a game and I threw a LOT of picks in high school.
29.) Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1) (28) — Maurice Jones-Drew’s 95 total yards squashed the notion that Pocket Hercules was being relegated to “third down back” like Mike Mularkey originally stated. Now, for that defense.
28.) Tennessee Titans (0-1) (24) — So Chris Johnson had 4 rushing yards and Jake Locker got hurt trying to make a tackle on an interception. But hey, Nate Washington had a TD catch (Fantasy Team Alert!) so all is good in Nashville!
27.) Buffalo Bills (0-1) (18) — Well, well, well. This is Earth, Bills fans. Welcome back to it. Look, I thought Buffalo would beat the Jets, too. But but New York went all TSA and stripped down the Amish Rifle and Co. I think this says more about how the Bills are PREtenders than the Jets being CONtenders, but yes, you should be panicking in the 716.
26.) Arizona Cardinals (1-0) (30) — So let me get this straight. Kevin Kolb is the guy now? After one good drive? What week does Larry Fitzgerald demand a trade to New England? It’s election season; I’m starting a “Free Fitz” campaign.
25.) Indianapolis Colts (0-1) (25) — I’m sticking by what I said last week about 25 being the lowest the Colts are all season. Luck is going to have times this year where he looks like a rookie, but these numbers are worth noting: 21-of-37, 302 yds, TD, 3 INT. Not #12’s from Sunday, but Peyton Manning’s from his 1998 debut. #18’s doing all right.
24.) St. Louis Rams (0-1) (27) — Yes, the Rams should’ve beaten the Lions. No, they did not. But that defense sure looked feisty. Once Sam Bradford gets some viable offense weapons not named Steven or Jackson, he’ll be in good shape. He can sling it, though.
23.) Minnesota Vikings (1-0) (29) — My buddy from home texted me right after Blair whatever his name is’s (#StillNotSureKickersArePeopleToo) kick went through the uprights at the Homer Dome: “Perfect season.” So yeah, there’s hope in Minnesota. But let’s not carried away after one week.
22.) Seahawks (0-1) (23) — So the bandwagon got a little less crowded Monday, but that still doesn’t mean the Seachickens aren’t a good team, or any less likely to make the playoffs. They still play tough at home, have a good (we think) coach and Russell Wilson is going to make plays. Starting 0-2, however, not a good look.
21.) Chiefs (0-1) (17) — In Kansas City’s defense, a lot of teams are going to have trouble stopping the Falcons this season. HOWever, Jamaal Charles looked nice in his return from knee surgery, but Matt Cassel has to play better. That’s just the bottom line.
20.) Eagles (1-0) (16) — The funniest thing I’ve read headline-wise in a while is the “Here A Vick, There A Vick, Everywhere A Vick Pick” from the Philly Daily News on Monday. As my high school coach used to say, if you have any confusion, Michael, you’re in green, they’re in white.
19.) Panthers (0-1) (15) — Cue the sophomore slump talk! These are the facts of the case: Cam Newton had just one TD and generated 10 points. But he still threw for 300+ yards and completed 69.7% of his passes. Let’s call it rust and wait a few weeks, shall we?
18.) Bengals (0-1) (8) — So the Bengals have the biggest drop this week, dropping 10 spots. They just looked overwhelmed on the big opening night stage and Dalton appeared to take a step back. That’s the Tuesday Morning QB theme. And who is Andrew Hawkins and could he be the next Darren Sproles? That’s what Marc is hoping in my fantasy league.
17.) Jets (1-0) (26) — So THAT’s where all the good plays have been hiding! Look, the Jets couldn’t beat my high school with how they looked in the preseason, but if this is how Mark Sanchez is gonna play then maybe they’ll be contenders after all. Still don’t know what to make of the “Tebow Package;” is it a ruse? He lined up at WR but only had 5 rushes. I still say Sanchez should’ve demanded a trade the day Tebow was acquired.
16.) Chargers (1-0) (19) — So after blowing out his ACL on the opening kickoff last season, Nate Kaeding kicked 5 field goals in Monday’s win over the Raiders. Yup, same old Chargers.
15.) Steelers (0-1) (12) — So the Steelers were playing without their leading defensive back AND linebacker and barely lost to a resurgent Peyton Manning? Oh, and their running back is out and top WR has only practiced a couple of hours. What was the score again? And a couple linemen were hurt? I can’t tell if Mike Tomlin’s team is fine or in reeeeeeeallllllly bad shape moving forward.
14.) Lions (1-0) (11) — Truthfully, I wanted to drop the Lions even more than 3 spots but they’re definitely better than all these teams below them. But, seriously, come on, Matt Stafford, you’re better than this. Three picks to the Rams? I get all the passing yards, and thanks, since I picked you in the #REPPicks contest, but you gotta do better than a last-second TD pass to win. You made the playoffs last year, for crying out loud.
13.) Broncos (1-0) (14) — Yes, Peyton Manning looked pretty good. I thought for sure he’d leave that game not under his own power. But let’s remember the Broncos beat a pretty banged up Steelers squad. Let’s see how they do on Monday, on the road, against an explosive team. Oh, and good to have you back, #18.
12.) Bucs (1-0) (13) — Well color me surprised. In fact, rain on me surprised and watch me twirl my head around and kick my legs like those strippers on the sideline disguised as Bucs cheerleaders. Seriously, is there another set of pom-pom toters hotter than Tampa Bay’s? So the Bucs are off to a good start. Any time you can hold Cam Newton to 10 points, you’re doing something right. And I’d really like to love me some Josh Freeman again. Say hit to Calypso for me. Don’t let him escape the house again.
11.) Saints (0-1) (7) — It’s too early to tell if it’s panic time in NOLA, but the Saints defense sure didn’t look too good, now did it? I know the player suspensions have been overturned, but they’re not gonna matter much. We’re gonna really find out how important a head coach is to the team this year in the Bayou.
10.) Giants (0-1) (1) — Sorry, but me oh my, Giants fans. Here we go again. Why is it every year your team puts you through this? Wouldn’t you just like to have a normal season, where it’s clear whether you’re going to make the playoffs or you not? Sure, I get it, you’ve won 2 titles in the last 5 years, I’ll shut my mouth now. Go about your season however you see fit.
9.) Redskins (1-0) (20) — How many burgundy “Griffin III” jerseys are going to be sold this week in the Beltway? 100,000? 200,000? Perhaps I’m overreacting to how good this Redskins team is, but I’m OK with that, ’cause damn are they exciting. Finally, VA and Scotty Watt and Archie’s dad have something cheer for. Not even Mike Shanahan can screw this up. Wait, can he?
8.) Cowboys (1-0) (21) — An over-reactive, dramatic rise? Perhaps. Is Jerry Jones’s personal eye-glass cleaner actually writing this? Maybes. But I thought there was no way the ‘Boys were winning the opener. Not when the Super Bowl champs were 8-0 in these games. And Tony Romo showed me something. Well, he basically showed me the same thing he’s showed everyone in the last few years: he can win during the regular season in sometimes spectacular fashion. Let’s see what ya got in January, dimples.
7.) Packers (0-1) (3) — So the Packers still aren’t gonna play any defense, is that what they’re saying? Just let me know so I can adjust my Super Bowl pick accordingly. Cripes, Alex Smith looked like … quick, who’s a good quarterback named Smith … umm … well, he looked like a good player. And by a show of hands, who thought (hoped) Randy Moss was going to moon the Green Bay crowd? [raises hand] How awesome would that have been? How do you think Joe Buck would’ve called it? Better than this, I’m guessing.
Eat it, Joe Buck.
6.) Bears (1-0) (10) — Did you see any of Jay Cutler’s press conference on Tuesday? Good to see ole’ Jay found his inner douche in the offseason. Glad being a dad hasn’t taken that inner Hamptonite out of him. Seriously, this guy. If he didn’t have a missile launcher for a right arm, he’d be just another mail man from Santa Claus. And not the cool kind who wears pointed shoes and a fuzzy ball on his hat.
5.) Texans (1-0) (6) — This is my darkhorse for the Super Bowl this year, no pun intended. Potentially great defense. Explosive offense. I mean, did you see how many times Arian Foster bowed on Sunday!?! Twice!! I was singing Rocky Top and slapping my logger Melanie’s hand repeatedly. She was pretty clueless as to my joy. She doesn’t play fantasy football.
4.) Falcons (1-0) (9) — Well hello there, Julio Jones. So that’s why Thomas Dimitroff traded all those picks to take you two years ago. I knew there was a reason. Winning on the road was impressive, but will the Falcons’ new uptempo style of play be ready for Monday Night and Peyton Manning? I’m ready. Nearly dropped a few dollars on some Falcons gear on NFL Shop this week. Another Matty Ice performance like Week 1’s and I’ll click “buy” this time around.
3.) New England Patriots (1-0) (2) — OK, I jinxed Tom Brady’s handsomeness. New England’s prince charming possibly broke his nose in the Patriots win over the Titans on Sunday (but Gisele likes it, so that means I like it). But the big story was New England’s rush attack. Stevan Ridley ran for 120 yards and is possibly Antoine Smith reincarnated. OK, maybe not. Certainly Rob Gronkowski won’t flub up the spike and Aaron Hernandez won’t NOT make it rain after touchdowns moving forward.
2.) 49ers (1-0) (5) — We knew the 49ers were good. But on the road in the Green Bay good? Yup. And we see you Randy Moss. Welcome back.
1.) Ravens (1-0) (4) — Their field goal kicker doesn’t need to worry about making chip shots when Joe Flacco and Co. are throwing it all over the schoolyard like 10-year old Chris Brockman at Valley Park Elementary. Oh, and Ed Reed. That is all.
‘Hard Knocks: Miami Dolphins’ Debuts
LOS ANGELES — When it was announced months ago the Miami Dolphins would be featured on this season of HBO’s fantastically produced preseason series “Hard Knocks” my reaction was a common one: not interested. The Dolphins are a .500 team at best with no real star power to carry a show like “Hard Knocks,” have a rookie head coach and play in a division – the AFC East – already loaded with personality and pedigree.
When teams like the Falcons, Buccaneers, Broncos and Texans all reportedly passed on being profiled this year, however, you take what you can get. And what we get is the Dolphins. But when Chad Johnson signed with Miami, the show got 10 times more interesting, even if he was invisible last year with the Patriots and his appeal has grown tired. Then Reggie Bush said he could win the rushing title, and Ryan Tannehill’s wife just happened to look like a bikini model and voila, you have compelling TV each week.
Tuesday, “Hard Knocks” debuted with an sunrise over Miami Beach two months before camp officially opened. Head coach Joe Philbin was addressing his other coaches. The b-roll while he spoke was a construction crew tearing down the existing locker room for new digs before narrator Liev Schreiber chimed in, saying, “the Miami Dolphins are in the process of an overhaul.”
An understatement, yes. And a natural transition as we go from the open to the Dolphins three quarterbacks fighting to become QB1: Matt Moore, David Garrard and Tannehill, in their homes. Moore, shown with his wife and child, played well above average in the final 9 games of last season, leading Miami to a 6-3 record while tossing 15 touchdowns and only 5 interceptions but was almost relegated immediately to third string after the signing of Garrard and the drafting of Tannehill. Garrard sat out of all of 2011 after he underwent back surgery and Tannehill, the gigantic rookie from Texas A&M only has 13 career collegiate starts under his belt and was once a wide receiver.
The biggest issue for the Dolphins as a football team entering this season is who’s going to start at quarterback. They’ve been searching the successor to Dan Marino since he retired in 1999. This offseason, Miami flirted with Matt Flynn before he signed with Seattle and were rumored to be in the Peyton Manning sweepstakes before he signed in Denver. So it’s hard not to feel for Moore when he bluntly states into the camera, “I understand there’s other guys in the running as well,” after he’s asked about the starting job. Clearly, he thinks he’s done enough to be the top guy entering camp. It’s hard to disagree with him.
Of course, the star of the first episode was Johnson, who makes his first appearance by sticking his head into a coaches only meeting and asking for a chair, saying he can’t go home until after training camp. He eventually leaves but it’s apparent he’s reverted back to the old Chad, the one who celebrated vibrantly and without abandon; not the one who failed to learn the Patriots playbook or mesh with, or learn from, the greatest quarterback of all-time. No surprising, his wife, Evelyn Lozada, was on hand for a practice and had on the biggest hoop earrings I’ve ever seen. She then proceeded to tell the story of how Chad and her met; on Twitter. Of course they did.
He did manage to drop a few good one-liners, not to mention show off his enormous pink watch he displayed while playing FIFA with Bush. On his terrible 2011 season: “last year I took a year off to give everybody a chance to catch up.” On how he knew Lozada was the one: “if you pause call of duty for someone, that’s the f—ing one.” On if he still has his once-fantastic speed: “I feel like a cheetah, I feel black.”
One of the coolest segments of any Hard Knocks season is the underdog, that player who really shouldn’t have any shot to make the team, but for one reason or another you root for. This season, that is tight end Les Brown, who hasn’t done anything athletic in two years and played basketball at Westminster College. He is this year’s Danny Woodhead, a finance guy who’s trying to play football. He’s basically Rudy. It’s clear he’s undersized and overmatched against even other rookies. He asks for another chance after getting blown up in drill. Later, in a coaches meeting, someone says Brown is a “complete liability in pass coverage and run blocking.” I’ll put his chances of making the team at 15%.
In addition to the crisp, majestic slo-mo b-roll shots that NFL Films is known for, my favorite aspect of the show are the personnel meetings. It’s that insider, backroom honesty that people love; talking about how’s rising, who’s falling and who flat out can’t play. Seeing the Dolphins meeting makes me wonder what the world class organization’s meetings – Patriots, Steelers, Giants – would be like. How amazing would a “Hard Knocks: Patriots” be?
Other things I noticed/liked from the premiere episode: the biggest fail is that it took 43 minutes to show the Dolphins cheerleaders and we only got one shot of Mrs. Tannehill … David Garrard looked pretty comfortable on water skis … Mike Pouncey getting his hair cut in the kitchen was awesome, though I could’ve done without the nose hairs close up. It was pretty cool, though, him defending Tim Tebow later during a massage … Joe Philbin towered over Chad during their sideline practice chat following Chad’s expletive-laced presser, he’s gotta be at least 6-foot-4. Also, does Philbin look a little like Joe Hagen’s (think “Godfather”) younger brother? … great framing on the shot of Tannehill signing his contract with the photo of Dan Marino in the background … Wiz Kahalifa on the soundtrack = nice.
The Chris Brockman Website 