NFL ‘You’re The Man’ Rankings — Week 15

[editors note: honestly, after what happened Friday in Newtown, Connecticut, I couldn’t bring myself to finish the column this week. What I have done is what I have done. My apologies, but there some things more important than football and the last few weeks have illustrated that more than ever.]

LOS ANGELES — There’s been so much chatter in the last few weeks about the end-of-the-year awards and who’s in the lead for what. On the Dan Patrick Show Thursday morning, Rich Eisen said he couldn’t vote for Adrian Peterson for MVP because the Vikings aren’t going to make the playoffs; Comeback Player of the Year, yes, and even Offensive Player of the Year, but not MVP. Being a Tom Brady guy, naturally, you’d assume I’d pull for #12, however, if Peterson gets to 2,000 yards, I’d be in the AD camp for MVP. I’m more for the Peyton Manning for Comeback Player since he literally missed an entire season AND had 4 neck surgeries – that’s not normal – where as Peterson got injured in Week 16 last year. Brady is having another magnificent season (currently with a 29-4 TD-INT ratio) but it’s a lot like Brett Favre in 2007, a year ironically that Brady won MVP. If you remember, Favre was legit that year for the Packers (4,155 yds, 28 TD, 15 INT) but Brady went for 50 TD and the Patriots were unbeaten. So, with 3 weeks to go, I’m riding with AD for MVP and Peyton for Comeback, gimme Brady Offensive POY and My Good Friend Robert (Griffin III) as Offensive Rookie of the Year (my reasoning on that next week.)

Let’s find out who’s the Man.

32.) Arizona Cardinals (4-9) (32) — There are 58 reasons why the Cardinals are  bringing up the rear in these rankings. And if those aren’t enough, I got 9 more.

31.) Jacksonville Jaguars (2-11) (31) — #FreeMJD.

30.) Oakland Raiders (3-10) (30) — I’m pretty sure I met a girl last weekend who said she was a Raiders fan, which would be a first. I’ll have to double check but we also we were talking about throwing things on people from the balcony we were on. Yup, definitely a Raiders fan.

29.) Kansas City Chiefs (2-11) (28) —

28.) Philadelphia Eagles (4-9) (29) — #FreeAndyReid

27.) Tennessee Titans (4-9) (26) —

26.) Carolina Panthers (4-9) (27) —

25.) Detroit Lions (4-9) (22) —

24.) San Diego Chargers (5-8) (25) — How pissed are Chargers fans gonna be when they win out and Norv saves his job but only A.J. Smith gets fired? Like fat guy at the donut shop realizing they’re out of bear claws, pissed? Or like Mel Gibson on a Friday night in Malibu talking politics, pissed?

23.) New York Jets (6-7) (24) — #FreeTebow.

22.) Cleveland Browns (5-8) (23) — 

21.) St. Louis Rams (6-6-1) (21) —

20.) Miami Dolphins (5-8) (20) —

19.) Buffalo Bills (5-8) (19) — We did a Top 12 players to wear #12 countdown at work this week in honor of 12/12/12 and does anyone else feel like when we talk about the great QBs in NFL history we often overlook Jim Kelly?  The Machine Gun took the Bills to 4. Straight. Super. Bowls. I think that goes often overlooked.

18.) New Orleans Saints (5-8) (17) —

17.) Dallas Cowboys (7-6) (16) — The Cowboys and the Jets are basically the same team. They’re hot garbage but just cool enough to win a couple late games so the national media has to keep talking about their outside playoff chances when they as good of a chance to make the postseason as I do of staring in the next “Air Bud” sequel. As the dog.

16.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-7) (15) —

15.) Cincinnati Bengals (7-6) (14) —

14.) Minnesota Vikings (7-6) (18) — My buddy, Jimmy, quoted “Godfather 3 last weekend: “I thought I was out, but they pulled me back in!” Only not in the Silvio Dante voice. I think.

13.) Pittsburgh Steelers (7-6) (13) — Congrats to my Sunday editor (and gigantic Steelers fan) Jantzen and his wife on the birth of their first child this week! No doubt that baby came out angrier than James Harrison that Mike Wallace has dropped so many passes this year.

12.) Seattle Seahawks (8-5) (12) — So it wasn’t bad enough that my opponent in the ROFFL playoffs had Marshawn Lynch but he also had the Seattle Defense. He had BOTH. My 50-point lead heading into the afternoon games last Sunday disappeared quicker than stuff that disappears fast in the presence of people who like that stuff! AAAARRRGGHHH. So frustrating. Just wasn’t meant to be. In my defense, his team has been a juggernaut. After losing the first 3 weeks, he’s now won the last 11.

11.) Washington Redskins (7-6) (11) — I don’t know how My Good Friend Robert’s leg stayed attached to his body and neither do you and neither does he. I can’t watch it. But I believe 100% that he’s gonna play this week at Cleveland. The Redskins have to win out to give them the most optimal chance of making the playoffs and let’s be real, #10 gives them the best chance of doing that. Reckless play or not.

10.) Chicago Bears (8-5) (8) — Did you see that Charlie Brown Christmas tree Brandon Marshall touted out at his press conference this week? Thing was epic … -ly bad. Then he compared the tree to the Bears season right now. Then he trashed talked the Packers. This isn’t going to end well for Chicago. Like, gonna-miss-the-playoffs-after-starting-7-and-1 not going to end well.

9.) Baltimore Ravens (9-4) (10) —

8.) New York Giants (8-5) (9) —

7.) Indianapolis Colts (9-4) (7) — Man, week-in and-out this team just finds a way to win. It’s beyond impressive at this point, I just expect it now. Andrew Luck leads the league in turnovers, but who cares. How many other QBs hands in the league do you want the ball in with the clock ticking down in a close game? Not many. Not many. Unbelievable when you think about it.

6.) Atlanta Falcons (11-2) (3) — Well, the Falcons didn’t do much to quiet the haters who were spouting before the game the fraduent rhetoric that seems to be haunting this team recently. I guess peeps won’t truly quiet until the Matt Ryan and Mike Smith win a playoff game. Well, they’re going to get a home game this postseason. No Excuses.

5.) Green Bay Packers (9-4) (6) — So, you know, I lost in the first round of the ROFFL playoffs. In a way I’m glad, that way I don’t have to be let down by Jermichael Finley in the Finals. Because you know that was happening. Down 5.5 in the fourth quarter. My opponent is done, but I have Finley left and he throws up a classic stinkbomb, including dropping a TD pass that would’ve won me my first title. Ugh.

4.) San Francisco 49ers (9-3-1) (5) —

3.) Houston Texans (11-2) lost (1) — So in their two nationally televised to all the football-viewing homes in the country, the Texans have given up an AVERAGE of 42 points per game. An average. That is all.

2.) Denver Broncos (10-3) (4) — The Broncos three losses are to the Patriots, Texans and Falcons all before Peyton Manning really knew what he was doing or had with this offense. Since then, well, ho, hum, 7 straight wins. And Von Miller and his 16 sacks and 6 forced fumbles, if ya need him.

1.) New England Patriots (10-3) (2) — Am I a Tom Brady homer? Yes. Is it easy get lost in his eyes? Yes. Do I freakin’ love it when Tom scrambles for a meaningless first down late in a blowout and then stand up and violently point and gesture and scream is head off? You bet your ass I do.

Posted on December 15, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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